DevLog #4 - The hard part of Game Development

So here we are. A significant amount of time after my last update and progress made is 0. Why has there been no progress on the game? Short answer is, I have a bad work ethic especially when it comes to procrastination. Just recently I had to be reminded three seperate times to send important documents to someone through email. It took me 13 seconds to do it, yet I failed to start sending it at all until I was told. 

So why am I so reluctant to start on things? Well recently i've become plagued with something that may be relatable for some creative artists. I fear starting anything because I am afraid that it will not be worth it, and that it will be a waste of my time. Despite my love of video game development, intrusive thoughts can skew the way you see things. For me, I get a periodic depressive bout that slants my view of the world to a very pessimistic outlook. This leads to me not working out because 'I spend too much time sitting down and I cant reverse the consequences of it because my decisions have already been made' even though this is completely false. I also tend to stop doing dishes and laundry because of their repetetive nature and excusing it with the age old excuse. 'Its just going to get dirty again, why bother cleaning it'. 

So how does this affect game development? Well seeing as I work an entry level job that provides my entire income, I have no obligation to finish making this video game. I am making it to put something worthwhile on my portfolio to prove that I have the ability to develop games and possibly get a job making games. Also because it has been an idea near and dear to my heart since high school. So of course when I am unable to see this goal in my intended way, and instead look at it as a pessimist, I see countless hours poured into several different iterations of my demo. In the small scope of understanding I have during this phase, I fail to see the improvements and the future of the game, all I see is waste. 

Why did this not halt development before? Recently I have begun to have panic attacks while alone in my room, and in one case, so severe that I had to get a ride to urgent care (it was also related to health problems but it worsened my attack). If you know what its like to have this much anxiety, your thoughts can become clouded and make it hard to focus and work. This becomes worse once you factor in ADHD. Because of this, I have not been able to make any progress on my game or even revise my design doc. 

So whats the solution? Well I have to start meeting with a primary care doctor so I can reduce the issues and hopefully improve my productivity in general. But most importantly, because I have hit such a block with my game, I am going to take a break to do a personal game jam. Pick the simplest game I can think of, and recreate it in Unity. This will allow me to have a fresh start and gain a new perspective on my current development progress. I am also planning to attend the Global Game Jam which will always, without fail, kick my creativity back into gear. Nothing beats artblock like finishing a game with other people who can bring you new ideas. 

The game is still in the works, I just have to make sure its developed properly with an organized mind. I know this is just me rambling and venting to myself on my own project page, but I hope this devlog inspires someone to look at their own projects and refelct on the progress made on it. I'll keep this log updated like usual.

OH!!! Before I forget, here are some videos of the last progress made on the game.